This is Us – This is ME

I have become pretty invested in the show, This is Us. If you haven’t seen it yet, it’s about a family that’s made up of twins and an adopted brother who is also the same age, making some type of triplet scenario. The show goes back and forth form the present, following each of the children’s lives, to the past where you can see the parents and the kids growing up.

Once you get past the first few episodes, which are confusing, the show is pretty good.

I didn’t expect the latest episode to gut me, though…

**SPOILER ALERTS AHEAD**

This past episodes focuses on Kate, the sister of the trio. A few episodes before, we find out that she’s pregnant with her fiancé’s child. The pregnancy is tricky, though, because she’s overweight and almost forty. But, yay, she’s pregnant!

Except, then she loses the baby. A miscarriage.

This past week’s episode, it goes into the actual scenario of her losing the baby. We don’t see her have the miscarriage, but we hear her cry out for her fiancé, and then we see them at the hospital talking to a doctor. It’s pretty obvious what happens.

The whole episode shows how Kate and Toby (the fiancé) deal with the miscarriage. You can tell, immediately, that Toby is gutted by this. He was really looking forward to the child, to being a father, and the miscarriage hits him like a ton of bricks. Kate, at first, pretends that it doesn’t bother her. She goes on with her day, going to a gig that she was hired to do, and all of that. It was like she didn’t care, like she wasn’t so invested in the pregnancy…like she knew it would happen.

But then the show continues…you see how it does actually effect Kate. How she breaks down when she sees a mother taking pictures of her daughter. And she keeps flashbacking to her relationship with her mother and everything that happened with them. And she fights with Toby, saying it was his fault because he got her excited for the baby and when she got excited, that’s when she lost the baby.

Let me tell you, I was gutted. I’ve never had a miscarriage, but I know what it’s like not being able to have a child. I know what it’s like to be excited about starting a family only to find out that I can’t. I felt like it was happening to me all over again.

I’ve had a d&c (when they tied my tubes) and I know the pain that comes from that. I know what it’s like to feel empty, like a shell. And this show just reminded me of all those feelings.

I love this show, and there have been moments when you’re like ‘damn’ or ‘OMG I can’t believe that happened’ but this episode…this single episode…totally undid me. And brought back all those old feelings.

It totally sucked.

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